QT: How To Deal With His Ex?

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Question Time: You’re happy & settled in your relationship, you’re safe in the knowledge that no one new could sway either of you. But then up pops his ex… She is messaging him all the time, drunk calling him and somehow wherever you both are she just happens to be too. He swears he isn’t interested and that she is just trying to be friendly. But why now, you’ve been with him for months and she wasn’t around before?

You have 2 ways to go with this, you tell him to stop being in contact with her, but then you seem like a jealous crazy lady, or you let them continue and hope he comes to his senses?

Tip: No one likes a psycho b*tch, the more you react to this, the more chances she has of worming her way back in. This is the moment you check yourself, check your relationship and check your head. Let her crack on, he’s waking up with you every morning, not her. Be sweetness and light when you see her, let them catch up and have a smile on your face when they do. They broke up for a reason and now he is with you, and who could compete with how you satisfy him…

Lesson to Learn: Don’t fall into the trap, be the cool chilled girlfriend he likes, and maybe if you find yourself in the loo with her quietly lock her in the cubicle, then take your boyfriend and go.

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QT: I’m Crippled By Anxieties. How Do I Get Rid?

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Question Time: How do you stop letting these anxious feelings enter your brain. They can be anything from worrying that a guy hasn’t replied to your messages, or to a drastic fear of being stuck in life when everyone else seems set. It can take form in a shortness of breath, almost like you have forgotten to breathe; to heart palpitations, trembling and nausea, it may leave you feeling unreal and detached from your surroundings.

Tips: The problem is that everyone has different anxieties so trying to find a universal remedy is near on impossible. Here are a few ideas that have helped me:

  • First thing is to accept that you are having an anxious episode, so you aren’t panicked about what is happening to you, you are fully aware of it and can face it straight on.
  • Waking up every morning and giving yourself 10 minutes of meditating, to clear your mind and to meditate positive thoughts. Tips on meditating.
  • Practising the here and now. Being Present in the room, not letting your mind wander off. Good exercise to try.
  • Write down at that current moment everything your mind is chucking at you. Don’t analyse it there and then, go back to it when you’re not having an attack. You can then dissect it and try to figure out what is an actual problem and what is a crazy brain problem.
  • Talk to mates, let them know your situation, most likely they have had similar issues. Makes it nicer to know you’re not such a freak.
  • Lastly, if it still persists (sometimes it can just be a temporary phase) then I suggest going to see someone to help you figure out your inner issues. Different Therapies.

Lesson to Learn: Being anxious sucks ass. You feel lonely, scared and almost like you should be locked up. Most of us go through it at some point, be open with it, understand it and know that you can and will change it.

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QT: Am I That Into Him?

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Question Time! Time has flown by and would seem that you’ve nearly got yourself into a relationship, but there’s a niggling feeling that you’re just not completely into him. With previous relationships you wanted to rip their clothes off, you thought of them all the time, you couldn’t even muster the will to eat if you hadn’t heard from him for one day. But this guy, well nothing seems to faze you, if you don’t see him for a week you’re not starving to death, if he doesn’t message for two days you hadn’t even noticed. What does this mean? Does it mean you should stop it now as it clearly isn’t going anywhere or do you continue going hoping that maybe one day you’ll become obsessed with him, love does grow and that?

Fact: You are merely talking about the difference between lust and love. One is a dangerous passion that has a clear ending point, the other is a mature and real life situation. Lust brings you crazy sex, deep feelings of obsession, jealousy and sometimes self hatred. Love offers you someone that equally feels as you do, someone who is there to grow with you and make you be the best you can be (if you think you’re in love and you don’t experience the above then GET OUT NOW).

So in short, if you question your potential new relationship by comparing it to previous lustful ones, it never stands a chance and nor do you for real found happiness.

Lesson to Learn: Everyone should experience lust once in their lives, it would be criminal not to. But when it comes down to it, the thing we all seek is love; a best friend, a partner in crime and a lover all in one. If you’re missing the insane sex part, revert back to: Where Has The Honeymoon Gone for inspiration, or failing that a glass of wine and rabbit time.

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QT: When Is It Acceptable To Show Him What Truly Lays Underneath?

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Question Time! You’ve been on quite a few dates, and you’re both really enjoying each other’s company. But you can’t help let some of your anxieties/jealous tendencies creep out. You know the ones, checking who he has recently befriended on FB, being slightly annoyed if he has partied until 7am (who was he with?!?!), him not messaging on a night out or even him choosing to see mates over you (aren’t you supposed to be the only one he wants to see right now!) You can tell it bums him out but you feel you’re close enough to share these feelings and if he really liked you, he would understand where you’re coming from…..

Answer: HOLD IT DOWN. Under no circumstances do you unleash any side of you that does not consist of fun, chilled, cool, sweet, sexy… The inner layer that we all have, some more severe than others (if yours is really bad – check out my therapy page) has to be kept under wraps until we know he has well and truly fallen for you. Don’t fool yourself that you’re there, if you’re not. When he declares his love for you (not during sex) then you’re there!

Lesson to Learn: It’s like catching a fish, if they wriggle too much some of them can break free, but if they’re well and truly caught, they’re not going anywhere.

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Not Meeting Anyone New??

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It’s got to that time in life, where you’re juggling work, mates, family, hangovers and quite simply you’re not doing anything new or cool to meet new people, more importantly to meet new lovers. Same old shit just a different day. You waste time bitching that you’re stuck in a rut but yet don’t actually do anything to get out of it.

It’s all very well us being SO busy, our diaries are just SO booked up and there’s never enough time to see mates. Well there’s simple ways around this.

  1. Introduce your mates to each other, so when you need to see them and catch up you can do it en mass, taking up just one of your precious evenings not the whole week.
  2. Round the troops, not the boring troops, the ones you know who are up for anything single or taken.
  3. Bring cool ideas to the table, if you’re a Westsider jet off to East and grab some edgy shit. If you’re a Southerner bring the team North and find some hidden door to a mysterious bar where no one is cool but everyone thinks they’re cool and get it on.
  4. Realise you live in one of the coolest cities, and to say you’re bored in it, deserves a slap.

Lesson to Learn: This is our hay day, our moment, the time we can fuck it and be free, so what you waiting for….

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Grass Is Greener – Whichever Side You’re On

 

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You’re in a relationship, you’re in love, most of the time you’re happy BUT you can’t help be jealous of your single mates, out and about with no worries meeting fitties and coming back with funny tales. Question: Do you stay put or join the others on whats seems to be the fun, wild side of life?

The same can be felt on the opposite side. You’re single, trying your best to find someone to hang with, not just a quick bone, but someone that you can have fun with, who listens to you and makes you feel good about yourself. All your mates are in relationships, no one is around anymore to go out and be your wingman; they’re all having supper parties with other couples and being smug. Question: Do you settle for the next best thing so you too can be loved and part of a twosome, or continue being free until you meet the someone you actually want to be with?

The fact is no matter what side you’re on, you will always feel a pull to be on the opposite side, nothing is ever 100% right and you can always pick flaws in your situation. However, you must remember that every situation changes, one day you’ll be in a loving relationship, the next you will waking up to an empty bed. Similarly, one day you’ll be eating crisps alone on your sofa, the next you’re having amazing new relationship sex. So for now you need to focus on the current side you’re on, find the positives and enjoy it.

Lesson to Learn: You must be in the present, to wish for something you haven’t got is a waste of time and energy. Life has a funny way of sorting itself out, without you having to bring your anxious itches to the table.

First Date – Who Pays?

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OK you’re coming to the end of your date and the bill has been asked, what stance do you take? Obviously he is going to pay, he needs to impress me. OR. Let’s go halves as that’s only fair.

My thoughts go like this. You are both working people just trying to make a living, so it’s not fair that he is expected to pick it up, what happened to equality and all that? It’s a first date, neither of you can be sure of where it will go, so it’s always best to leave it on a nice note, with him leaving and thinking yea that girl was super cool; even if you’re not for each other, you never know he may have some fit mate tucked away and with great compliments from him the fitty could be yours….

However, if it does lead to another date you have set the tone for the type of lady you are: Independent, Not a Skank and Respectful. So when the next bill comes on the second date, you can happily lean back and let him pay – you have already paid your dues, no need to go overboard now.

Lesson to Learn: Don’t be cheap and pay your way (at first) once they’ve fallen for you, you never need to think of this again. What’s his is yours and all that….

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Not Sure Where You Are In Life?

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Pretty dramatic statement I know. And quite honestly I can’t sit here and pretend to tell you how to get to know ‘where you are in life’, as I am still searching. But I can share some tips.

Firstly, I am a true believer in taking risks. The risk is never that bad, (unless you have a family to provide for, then knuckle down and make the dollar!) if something  doesn’t work, then find something else, no biggie.

Pen, paper and write: what is it at this current time that makes you happy, what do you enjoy doing, it’s about the now…. What don’t you enjoy, that’s important too, so you can see it clearly written down and not fool yourself into doing it again.

Remove all jealous feelings of others, that’s one of the most pointless past times. You don’t even want to do what they do, and yes they may seem happy right now, but maybe next month their company will go bust or their heart will be broken, they won’t seem so happy then!

Lesson to learn: Take risks, be bolshy about trying to find what you want to do and don’t fret about where you’ll be in 5 years, if you’re not living in the present then how will you even get to the future.

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Where’s The Honeymoon Gone?

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We have all been there, 8 months into your relationship and it suddenly hits you. You’re not banging everyday, you can’t remember the last time you went on a date and you certainly don’t have any qualms about wearing your pjs and white gone grey pants. What has it come to….?

You are both to blame, unless you have constantly nagged your partner about it and they’ve done nothing to help the situation (then break up with them there and then). But in most cases this is simply the norm. I am not saying you must accept it, but you must realise it and then change it – only if you still like them of course, sometimes when the rose tinted glasses come off and the sex becomes boring, you realise it was only lust and they should be binned anyway.

But if you fall into the category of wanting to make it work, do the following:

  1. Throw away your rank underwear, swap for sexy/feel good stuff.
  2. Don’t have sex at the exactly same time of each day (week/month) change it up. Do it before you get into bed, maybe straight after work or before supper, surprise them and surprise yourself, no one likes routine sex….
  3. Plan date nights, 1 every two weeks (let’s be realistic). You have 1 week they have the next. If either of you fail to keep it up – punishments should be dished, I know for me what the ultimate punishment would be, down.
  4. Take a weekend break, don’t scrimp on it, go somewhere sick.
  5. Go to Ann Summers, a treat for you and a treat for him.

Lesson to Learn: It’s unrealistic to think a relationship will continue to be what it was like in your honeymoon period, you must understand this point, want to make a change and more importantly actually want to be with that person, the rest is simple with a bit of work.

Feeling Fat, Sluggish and Lazy…

We have all been there, constantly reprimanding yourself for having eaten this and that, for not getting up and going to the gym or for letting that hangover get the better of you and being sofa bound.

This is NOT a blog on healthy living, eating and being up my own arse.

It’s simple. Put that biscuit down, no you DON’T need that pizza and you certainly shouldn’t be reaching for the haribo. Drink a litre of water, put your exercise clothes on and hit the gym, this does not include a slow long run (you won’t loose any weight) I’m talking a HIIT class, Crossfit or Boxing. Stop being fat and lazy. You can thank me later.

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